8th January 2011
Well here we are I am not sure it has sunk in yet. I would first of all like to thank everybody who has sent messages to me, it really has helped. I knew it was going to be hard but had no idea it would be like this, honestly I feel a little empty, have no idea why after all I have had a good run. But the worst thing of all was passing over Dereks reins, it tore me a part, when I arrived to ride on New Years Eve he called to me almost broke my heart, and then when I left he did it again that pushed me over the edge, I sat in my car sobbing like a child. Perhaps it was the realisation that I would not ride again or the fact I am sure he thought I was abandoning him, god only knows and as I write this I am welling up (jeepers I have to pull myself together). Ok back on track, I seem to of had a sudden rise in popularity and by some of the messages it seems I may of died? But no, I am here and plan on being for a while.
I have been mad busy helping organise the RDA to PARA day at Avon in Bristol on Sunday so that is keeping me focused and away from trouble. I have also given a few interviews for radio, the papers and T.V, the later scared me witless, Im never normally nervous, as you know I can talk for Britain, but this was a live link to the Channel Islands and I had to just sit infront of a blank green screen and talk while the presenter in Jersey spoke down my ear. Apart from the fact I had noticed in window how big my fore head was and this was freaking me out, suddenly someone in my other ear said try to keep your eyes still it looks like you have wondering eyes!!! Great so big fore head and wondering eyes, whats left? Well apparently I was also sitting over to one side, so for the love of god! All this while still staring at a blank screen answering questions about what my plans are, well frankly I am going into rehab!!
It has now been a week since I have ridden, and I am starting to get twitchy, I have tried to pretend I am on holiday and wouldnt be riding anyway, but as I have not been on holiday for several years, its a struggle, and I swear I have put on a few pounds, so I will be needing to find some other form of exercise I fancy white water rafting, as I feel I need a challenge, John feels this is not such a great idea as I get ill if we go rowing on the lake, so that looks like a no go.
Well I think I have rambled on enough, I would again like to say thanks for all your support, and kind words not just at this time but since all this began, I have had a wonderful time and met some wonderful people, please if I can help in any way please just get in touch and I will do my best to help. With Much Love Simon xxx
5th January 2011
Feeling a bit sad!
Feeling a bit sad!
First off I need to beg forgiveness for being so slack. The last couple of months have been frankly a bloody nightmare, but I think in my own sort of logical way, I have made the correct decision. As I think it has become fairly clear to all those who read my blog, things have been jolly tricky since 2008 when john was made redundant, we have struggled through, selling off a lot of my assets and Johns as well. My 2012 hope Erik was the first casualty, closely followed by our home and business in Jersey. We realised things had really gone pear shaped when we put our home on the market, thankfully after me digging my heels in and the property market going tits up, we managed to sort out a new mortgage, this has hopefully saved my home if only in the short term, but it has meant that even after the biggest eBay selling spree in history, which although sad was very therapeutic we all squirrel things away which clearly we neither need or use. Even after all this, things are still fairly grim and even with the money I receive from world class and UK sport, financially I just cant do it anymore, I am mentally knackered, John has been inches from a break down.
I have to say though I have had some fantastic times, from the games to just meeting some truly amazing people, I have had a blast. I have genuinely been thrilled just being part of something so hugely successful, made some wonderful lifelong friends who have no idea how much they have helped us through this dark patch. The old saying about really finding out who your friends are when the chips are down, really does hit home at times like these. On top of all this I have made one great and true friend who all the way threw has never questioned anything that I have done, and given me more than I could ever have asked for that of course is Derek. Unfortunately I cannot keep him so I hope I am doing the next best thing, I wont sell him so he is going on free loan, that way hopefully in a couple of years and god please let it be only a couple of years, we will be sorted and Derek can come home to live out the later years of his life. Jeepers this does feel a little like writing my own obituary, and thats the last thing I want this to be. I hope to continue most of the work I have been doing. Who knows where I may pop up next?
I am going to continue writing my blog, it will be slightly different but I am sure, I can find something of interest to write about, I will still be judging and in fact I will be doing my upgrade fairly shortly, I will still be involved with Para on some level, and for my sins and my big mouth I am hosting a Para meets RDA day in Bristol on the 9th of January, I will be able to focus on my teaching which I love, I think I still have a little more left in the tank, well at least I hope I do!
With my focus now on having a great Christmas, I am completely obsessed with Kirstie and Phil, and franticly making everything Christmas, well in theory, but John is pretty sure come Christmas Eve I will be flying down to Sainsburys to replace the things I have made, well we will see!
So the long and short of this is that I have waffled on enough and not really said what I am doing, I do tend to go on, blast Im doing it again, what I am trying to say is that I am retiring, standing down, hanging up my boots, however you want to say it. Thanks to everybody who has responded to my blog, and all those who have sent emails to give me a boost, you guys really have kept me going.